things we

Today I Was Good To Myself

Artwork by Chloe Mannix

Today I was good to myself.

I allowed two spoons of sugar instead of one in my coffee
–I stopped thinking I might get fat–
I read from my favourite book an additional 50 pages
And I completed 3/4 of my puzzle.
I let my cat sleep in my bed.
I bought a book instead of two dresses
But I still ordered a skirt.

I didn’t stress over anything work or university related.
I didn’t smoke today
But I hugged my mother after she did.
And I called my grandmother to she how she’s been
And then I called my best friends, and my ex and my ex’s friend.
I like to make sure that they’re fine.
I went on the balcony and inhaled the rainy air
And I exhaled everything that was suffocating me.
And all of a sudden I was not holding my breath anymore.
I.was.able.to.breathe.

I read only two articles that made me cry
But the good cry, the one that wakes up your heart
And makes you feel things
That society told you not to.
And I wrote a bit more about what doesn’t hurt
And I talked a bit more about what does.
I put myself to sleep earlier than usual.
I hugged my teddybear a little harder.

I forgave myself today.
Not because of quarantine, but out of love and necessity.
I spoke more to myself, I listened a bit more carefuly
And I allowed myself to forgive parts of me
I suddenly had to live with.

—

Poem by Antonia Bona

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