melancholy
Poems For All Of My Exes (1): To The One I Still Refrain From Calling
I ache for you.
It’s three in the morning,
and I’m grasping for an excuse
not to call you.
I used to be fearless. I used to be invincible.
But now my fingers
are fumbling for
the empty space
of your outline on my bed sheets.
I’m sitting here
trying to convince myself
that I don’t want you –
but the more I say it
the less I believe it.
I am starting to accept
that you never loved me.
And it’s sad
because I don’t think you see
how beautiful you are to me.
Your face was the light
that chased away the shadows,
every nightmare, every fear.
But you burned out and now
I’m learning to be afraid
of the dark once again.
—
Sade Andria Zabala is a twenty-four year old Filipina surfer sometimes living in Denmark. She is the author of poetry books War Songs and Coffee and Cigarettes. Her work has appeared on places such as Literary Orphans, The Thought Catalog, The Rising Phoenix Review, Hooligan Magazine, Germ Magazine, and more. In her spare time she likes to eat words and drink sunlight.
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