pain

I Keep Looking for the Best in Me

Artwork by Karla van den Bergh

My heart is a hell of stitches, scratches, and patches.
It looks gruesome.
This is what makes it awesome.

It hurts to have a heart like mine.
It suffered a lot.
Don’t they say that there is beauty in suffering?

I do not mournfully blame my bad luck.
I do not feel like a victim of my own high expectations,
I just keep looking for the best in me.
I still smile at strangers.
I still look for lovebirds.
I still hear love songs.
My heart just breathes second chances.
It is not delusional.
It is hope.
And hope is like a clock, it ticks and never stops.

I pat my heart and tell it, someday,
I will be a whole person again. I will heal.
The bandages will be removed, one day.

I have my own mantras:
It is not weak to actually feel.
It is not a shame to have such a big heart.
It is not needy to look for love.
It is not insane.
It is humane.

—

Poem by Radwa Abdul-Aziem

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