This is the time when we believe that nothing is left by chance. We always plan, organize and keep control. But what happens when we give up control? When we rely on our natural instincts, listen to our needs, take off masks and pay attention to the animalistic side in us. I have never felt more comfortable with my own sexuality, the understanding of what I need and long for. The 30s were a blessing. I started getting busy with myself, to discover my body, how he works, what he desires, how he reacts to certain impulses and how everything is directly connected to the mental condition. I was left with a sense that there was more to expect than the normal union in a sexual monogamous relationship. I wanted to push my limits, challenge myself, discover one orgasm after another. Many years I was searching, it was a journey of discovery and the discovery of myself. What makes me happy? What do I really need? And what am I actually run away from?

Self portrait by Anne Lomberg.

An encounter from the past has put my sexual desire to the test. I have been tested and I lost myself. I was hunted in a game that in retrospect brought me much closer to my own truth. The prey that was shot down and flinches until she stops breathing, I liked this submissive part. Pain became my favorite companion, a fate I imposed on myself. The animal instinct, I have found it in me, I set it free and live with it on the level that makes me happy. For this I had to separate the bad from the good pain. Bad pain is when it takes all your energy, when you get abdominal pain and you can no longer concentrate on the important things that surround you. When you constantly chastising yourself with questions about why that one person has power over you and why you desire him at all. In reality this person has no power over you, you are the one who alone determines the direction. Good pain is purely masochistic if you choose physical pain instead of psychological pain. When you gain pleasure through humiliation, blows, choking, a state of total surrender, trust, and letting go. Then comes the moment when you realize that there is nothing more satisfying than appreciating this natural gift. Instinctively you feel attracted, intoxicated you lose all control. You become a hunter from the hunted.

Self portrait by Anne Lomberg.

I am the observer, the honest pervert. As a photographer I become part of what I see, but I am never a member of the real action and I also strongly delimit it from my needs. I don’t get aroused when couples have sex in front of me or masturbate. Everything happens in my head. My mind gets aroused when telling fantasies, when looking at pictures I have created myself. I am the voyeur who can easily keep control when others least expect it. I shoot because I want to see pleasure in faces. I shoot because I want to cross borders. I shoot because I want to see the truth, without posing, but real desire that unites pain, love, passion and happiness.

Self portrait by Anne Lomberg.

Anne Lomberg is a poet and film photographer living in Berlin. Her poems hover between imagination and reality, between provocation and silent thoughts – tempting innermost desires. Prints and more of her work can be found → here.

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