The real reason why we question our breakups

Painting by Lorella Paleni represented by Magic Beans Gallery

Painting by Lorella Paleni represented by Magic Beans Gallery

There will always be break up stories, wherever we go. We live them, we breath them, we love them, and we hate them.

The stages after break-ups are more crucial than the relationship story itself. It’s progress; it’s an experience.

Sure, we share that common stage where we eat a tub of Secret Sensation by Häagen-Dazs (so good) while watching Bridget Jones’ Diary. But, how about the stage long after that, where you feel you’re capable of forgetting him but you don’t want to? You don’t want to let go of those good memories he left behind. You are now actually living a normal life, going to work or school, having fun on weekends, and enjoying your hobbies.

Now, you realize you’re actually living your life without him, and you’ve got no problem with that. And that scares you. A lot. That’s why you keep wanting him in your mind. You force yourself to think about him. You just don’t want to let go. You don’t want him, who was once your best friend, to be a stranger. He was so great, wasn’t he?

“Oh, why did I break up with him? He was the best thing that ever happened in my life.”

Gone are all the memories of him being irrationally angry at you and blaming you for something you didn’t do. You forgot the time he cheated on you, took away your money, or even abused you. Now you actually appreciate him. You want to get back together with him.

“Oh, he was the one who got away…”

It’s like, somehow, aliens managed to knock on your door and give you some drugs to erase all the bad things about him in the past (like Men in Black, but worse), and left you only with the good memories. Like most memories, the more distant they are, the more vaguely we can remember our feeling towards them in detail. So, when you think about bad memories, they doesn’t seem that awful after all.

And happy memories become more pleasant than they actually were. It is because humans only want to remember things that make them comfortable and happy. Therefore, next time, if you ever think about wanting to get back to your ex, tell yourself it’s all merely an illusion.

Written by Melly Ciputra