The Guy Who Gave Me Warmth Is The Guy Who Made Me Cold

Photography by Lisa Wassmann

Photography by Lisa Wassmann

You know the beautiful feeling, the feeling to fall in love. But at the same time, it can turn to the ugliest thing ever happened to you. I’ve met this charming guy, he was perfect to me, and he made everything and every moment perfect. 2 years felt like 2 days. The sweet texts he had always sent me that made my heart melt, the way he had complimented my eyes and always said he was lost in them, the way he looks at me when I was reading a book. Do you know the rushed feelings that runs through you, the adrenaline, the goose bumps that appears on your skin when he holds your hands, gazes into your eyes, and finally and for the first time ever he says ‘I love you’. And since that day, the day he admitted his love for me, is the day were I asked myself:
Why does he love me? I’m the type of the person who overthinks everything, but this time, I could only think about the fact that someone truly loves me.

Your beloved one, the person who made you feel on top of the world, can also make you feel like you’re living underground in the darkness.When the person you used to talk to everyday till 4am turns into the person who gives you the ‘I’m busy’ excuse and simple not talk to you for weeks, months, or even, 3 years? When you always end up trying to save the relationship but the person you love decides to give up, or maybe he found someone else that wouldn’t make him ‘busy’.

Once you believed every word, every DAMN word, you’ll end up so DAMN hurt. Maybe I wasn’t everything to him, but had always been. And I’ve counted how many years since we haven’t talked, and what truly hurts, is he never said he was ever leaving without any alert. Maybe he wanted it to be a surprise, since I did told him I like surprises. But this was a kind of surprise that brings you misery and sadness, maybe self hate too.

3 years, and he still haven’t even bothered to tell me that we should break up, but no, he already gave me the answer but in a way that keeps me wonder for 3 fucking years about why he had done this to me, And how could be someone that cruel?

But I don’t blame him, maybe I should blame myself, for trusting and loving someone too much. Maybe he took all my good emotions and feelings with him, and only left me with an empty heart, and a mind that keeps thinking about him all night before I sleep. Maybe he taught me a lesson, a lesson that made me not to love anyone anymore. Maybe it taught me that, once you’ve fallen for someone, you’ll end up falling forever. Yes, he left me completely emotionless and empty for years, and yes, sometimes I like that feeling, the feeling of complete numbness. You left me without any reasons, but you were all my reasons, and maybe you were lost in my eyes, but now, I’m the one who’s lost.

Submitted to ArtParasites by JP