love

Is It Possible To Find Love Supreme?

Artwork by Sparklehen

Artwork by Sparklehen

Act 5 Love supreme, the great disappointments and the great satisfactions

Mr Wisebird sits on an armchair, fully absorbed in reading a text. Somebody knocks on the door. He interrupts his lecture and looks towards the door. The knocks go on, in a slow, but determined pace, almost musical. She walks in, carrying a luggage.

-Mr Wisebird, I am leaving you.

-Oh. But why?

-Reality calls.

-You seem disappointed.

-I am half idealist, half sensual. And this is the recipe for great disappointments or great satisfactions. And sometimes I feel I had enough either with my idealism, either with my sensuality. It is very hard to match the two.

-I understand. (Meditative) And what do you plan to do there where you are going? You said you are heading towards… reality?

-I don’t know. To accept it? (She sighs) You know, I feel I need to constantly adjust my beliefs, with every disappointment, I need to go back somewhere deep inside myself and search for that seed of optimism. But the truth is so many people are selfish or mean.

-They are like this out of disappointment as well.

-I know. But they drain all my energies. It seems easier something to try to heal the world instead of dealing with a particular individual. That’s how idealist I am. (She smiles)

-But if you let them make you bitter, it is not because of them, but because you accepted to become bitter.

-I accept too many things, that’s my problem. And there are people who think my kindness is an everlasting spring they get connected to and they can keep demanding.

I accept many things, maybe it is within my feminine nature, but then at some point, I start pulling the chains and I run away. And I sometimes feel sorry for those who wanted to or thought they possessed me. But they didn’t make an effort to understand my innermost nature, I don’t give it to someone easily. I don’t fall in love everyday, Mr Wisebird. (Laughs) But like all human beings, I sometimes get carried away by my passion. And those who wanted to or thought they possessed me, they come back and say: you have much more to offer then I first thought. And I feel both like laughing and yelling at them: “are you stupid?” But they are not stupid, they just have other visions upon life and our inner timing did not match.

And there comes a time when I withdraw. Back to my idealist world of fantasy.

-But you said you want to head towards reality this time.

-Yes, I thought it would be nice if I try to grow up. (Smiles) I’m 29, you know.

-Oh, I am 29 thousands years old, too! (She looks at him surprised) But I still feel young.

-Mr Wisebird, you’ve been smoking again! (She laughs)

(He goes on) I remember the first time I wanted to grow up. It was the spring of my 22 thousands anniversary. But I am glad I didn’t. What would I have become? This childish, naive, idealistic quality of yours is what pushes you forward. It makes you keep believing in wonders of all kinds.

-You know, sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who has the capacity to marvel at the beauty of life. Nobody seems to believe in magic anymore. They are not looking for the charm of being. They don’t let themselves be surprised by life. They want to control everything. But how can we control everything when we don’t even know who we are and where we are going. This control is an illusion.

-Yes, at the source of happiness there is the ability to believe.

-And still, I am unhappy. (She goes on) I was walking yesterday night in a park. There were some giant stone statues and a yellow light falling on them. I found them beautiful and at the same time I was aware of my great loneliness, that nothing seems to cure, I just need to learn how to accept it. This is why I thought it’s time to head for reality. And as I was looking at those statues, it crossed my mind that my idealism might have collapsed and broke into pieces. What I build during the day, I destroy during the night. There are times when I loose hope that somebody both idealist and sensual exist. Because I have met the idealist, I have met the sensual, but in different persons and only in imagination I can put together the pieces and create an image that can fully satisfy me. And when I meet reality, it seems almost disrespectful towards my creation and towards me, its creator. (Sighs) So I thought a stroll in reality would do me good, this is why I packed my luggage and decided to leave and live: I want to know if I a person half idealist and half sensual exists.

-Come here. (He approaches her and pulls her towards to mirror.) Look, this person exists. It’s you. The rare bird you are looking for exists, it’s you.

-A lonely, sad bird. (She laughs) Mirrors are dangerous, Mr Wisebird. They can trap us in a case of self erotica.

-Yes, they are. I am just trying to give you the grounds to keep believing. And when you will meet what you want, you can break this mirror. But until then, you need to prepare yourself, to understand your complexity.

-Oh, this damn complexity. Sometimes I wish things were more simple. I sometimes wish I were able to lead a simple life, no thoughts, no worries.

-But you said it at the beginning. The troubled people, split between one thing and another, between idealism and sensuality, for instance, are those capable of great disappointments and great satisfactions. Now, just think, is it worth it? Think about how high you can get in those times of happiness. You just need to accept your nature. This is not an universal recipe, but one that I tailored especially for you.

-Although acceptance is good for everyone, it can sooth so many existential troubles. Thank you, Mr Wisebird, I will think about your words as I stroll around reality, observing it.

-And remember, you can always come back to me for a talk and a little encouragement. (Wisebird smile)

-I will keep you informed. Good bye, Mr Wisebird.

-Good bye.

(She starts walking away slowly. At some point, she stops, turns back to him and says)

-You know what I am looking for, Mr Wisebird? Maybe you already understood this.

-What?

-I am looking for the love supreme.

Laura Livia Grigore is a poet, painter and psychology enthusiast, with a background in space engineering. She likes to experiment with various mediums and types of writing. Her artwork is orientated on emotions, reflecting her opinion that most of the answers we need can be found inside ourselves, although the hardest thing to do is to be sincere with oneself.

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