lust

It Takes These Things to be a Gentleman

Painting by Ana Teresa Fernández

To the man who’s gonna steal my heart:

  1. I don’t care about what the color of your eyes would be, for we can see different worlds in every color, (mine are brown, anyway) but the lids that cover those beautiful eyes should be doe, because mine’s hooded and I want our future daughters and sons to have yours. You should have a thick, long brows and lashes to frame your eyes, and as I said, I want our future children to have yours.
  1. Your skin should be golden brown and your hands should be slightly calloused because it signifies work and masculinity.
  1. I barely care about your abs and muscles, nor about your height and shoe sizes. I just want a huggable man—not so lean, not so fat—to give me comfort in just a hug, and to make me feel safe and secure in times of uncertainties and troubles. Not too small, not too tall—just someone who won’t be too awkward when he wants to lean down to tower me.
  1. You should have a good moral upbringing and should have a good and strong family orientation, because I guess it’s pretty obvious now that I am not just simply looking for a fling nor a short term boyfie, but for a strong life companion.
  1. You should be clever enough to realize that I am too quirk to be into usual things, but then, bold and fool enough to break rules because it bores be to tears to follow standard “this’s” and “that’s” the society imprinted us to do a long time ago.
  1. I don’t care much about scholastic achievements you attained from your undergrad or maybe graduate classes, though, I’ll appreciate it. Excellency in class can’t always guarantee the quality of work you could offer, but it is your passion in everything you do that will carry it all.
  1. If you can’t be a writer, you should at least be a reader. Have many lives as you can and live with it at least for a while.
  1. I love surprises, and I know that if you love someone, you’ll do anything that pleases them. Your surprises don’t have to be grand and expensive, as long as I felt that I am remembered, I will be more than happy.
  1. You should be tough like an older brother (whom I never have), and a father that will scold me in times of misbehaving, yet soft and warm that can melt my cold and hard armor.
  1. You should be deep enough to understand my demons—the demons that I won’t let you chase and fight. Yet, you should be shallow enough because I am a beginner in this. I don’t know how to swim yet and I might get drowned if you overwhelm me. But, I promise you, my lungs aren’t perfect, but they are good, they expand and can withstand moments of holding my breath under your water.

  1. I want our bonding time would be well spent yet simple. Should it be singing and dancing all night to all our favorite songs, or should it be discussing all the books we have read from our favorites down to our least likes. Should it be watching our favorite movies and TV shows together in your cold couch while throwing popcorns at each other, or eating hot, instant noodles in a bowl. You should be an incredible foodie, but you should bear with my cookings because probably, I am still learning. Should you be a foodie, I just knew you would, and because of you, my dear, I am willing to learn.

  1. You should have enjoyed your time alone. I just hope you love solitude, when you do nothing but sit on a bench on God only knows where, just busy contemplating things you have in mind. When you only sit there to read books, caring less if people thinks you’re mad because you laugh or cry through it, you’ll just read until your eyes aches and get dries. When you just watch people passing by, seeing different perspective of life through them. It’s just that I believe that enjoying some time of your own will help you to be more independent. Also, you are giving yourself time to know yourself more, allowing you to know what you really want.
  1. You are not supposed to need me, you’re just supposed to genuinely want me. I want a man who is whole, complete, and already loves thyself. It’s because I believe that it takes to love yourself whole heartedly, without any reservations and insecurities, that will lead to making things work with your significant others completely.
  1. I want you to be honest in every way possible.  I don’t want you to cover things up for me to be happy.

  1. You should be an artist. Sure if you can draw and paint, and I will be honored enough if you make me a muse in one of your artworks, but know that it is not my point. When I said that I want an artist partner, I mean the one that can see through things. Someone who can read between the lines. Someone who can see through the lines. Some who can see hope though he saw how I mess things up. Someone who won’t tell me how much I put on my make-up (because you are not supposed to be a make-up artist, you’re just supposed to understand that I know what I am doing and that I know how much make-up I am going to put on), but someone who can still see beauty under those smeared lipstick and mascara all over my face.

  1. As far as I can remember, I have always believed that I was meant to be understood by few people, like a pinch of sand in a beach. That is probably the reason why I care less about how they perceive me as a person, because I am not living for their pleasure, but because I am living my own freaking life. Of course, I am not expecting you to be like them—you should be unique in every way possible. As I said, you would be way too deep in me, and so am I in you. I want to see your soul beneath those eyes that are supposed to attract me from the first time we would meet. And I know, I just know that like me, they don’t understand you either. Like me, you’re supposed to get tired socializing with them. You like privacy as much as I do. You’re an introvert, I just know. They don’t buy your jokes every time you try to crack some, and that’s why we would share our private ones. Those inside jokes that we would know just by the tilt of our lips or just by the way our eyes dance with lights. Then, we would laugh, laugh as if they’re not there, and of course, they wouldn’t understand. That is why we are meant for each other.
  1. You are supposed to make me cry, but not to make me sad. You will make me cry in a way you surprise me, even for simple things. I will cry because once in my life, I lose hope in you. Once, I thought that there’s no you that even exists out there to make me feel like this. But, there you’ll be that will make me feel young again. You will live my teenage dreams. We will go to places I have been before, once alone. But I am not alone anymore. And that is why I’ll cry in front of you, (and I hate crying in front of people) but, those cries will be different. I will love those tears because you will kiss them away and you will wipe them with your fingers, letting me know that you are not just a dream, but you are real. And I have you for life.
  1. You should be conservative enough to wait for the right time to do things we are not supposed to be doing yet. You should be patient enough to wait for me to be ready for you, as I am being patient now, waiting for you. As I said, these things are new to me. I guess that is it. We tent to wait, no matter how long, so that we can take care those precious things whenever they are finally laid before our hands. For waiting honed us to be capable of taking care each other.

  1. You should be open-minded enough to withstand my naughtiness that you are yet to witness. I have many bizarre and grotesque things in mind, but I knew we’ll just laugh all day over those things, for I know you’ll always understand my craziness.

  1. You will fall in love with me, not head over heels, just feel first. As I said, I want you whole and not damaged. Your hardships and heartaches should not shatter you, but should make you complete. So am I. I will know you and will appreciate you, no matter what or no matter how many excess baggage you do have, because I know they would not affect us anymore.
  1. I know you’re no fiction—I have read many to say you’re not. You are not every girls’ dream, since I am one of a kind and I don’t want to share you. I am not being idealistic here. I just know what I want, and I know you’re just out there. Maybe studying and dreaming for your future. Maybe falling in love with other woman, or maybe working very hard you don’t even know how to sleep anymore. That is perfectly okay to me. Maybe I already know you, maybe we have crossed paths a few times. Maybe, we just don’t know each other yet. I don’t know how long will it takes for you to find me, but I will wait for you patiently, with love. I understand I am still stuck on this conveyor belt, and maybe this old conveyor belt has been lacking for oil. But you will find me, no matter what. We’ll know it when we found each other finally, darling. For now, I can live by laying still here, in this cold and dizzying conveyor belt. I know it’s worth the wait. You’ll be worth the wait.

—

Submitted to ArtParasites by PM Jensen

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