Artwork by Pavlina Bargili

do not succumb to the hard earth and lose heart
when you wake up to the news of postponed exams
and the government’s bans
burial grounds out of space and lay-offs in your
workplace, your books will stop selling
your long-distance lover will stop calling
and the sky will feel like it’s falling
on you – but don’t you dare fall with it

don’t you dare think for a second your boat will not float
in the midst of catastrophe, teach your hands to row towards calm waters
turn your spine into a steel fortress of courage, comrade
because courage can kill the deadliest of enemies
your resilience can be the strongest of remedies

do not be tempted by beasts and spirits
flitting through the night, their faces cold white
as they grace through the ground where vanquished you were found
do not give them your soul when you were meant to be whole

because even on the eve of the apocalypse
it will rain on hills, the grass will be a sliver of emerald
sunflowers will shower in light, windows will bask in hues of gold
nothing will stop you from having a big breakfast, not even the worst
of times could take away your right to little joys
and despite the guilt from wars outside, caring for yourself will never be wrong

even on the eve of the apocalypse
you will get off bed, brush your teeth
no loss can keep you down
no horror can quell your sound
every step ahead is resurrection, every breath is revolution
I know the lure of agony
I know in your personal underground, there is familiarity
comfort in staying broken but you must be wise
enough to rise
fight it, climb the mountains you were born to conquer
clean the hurt repeatedly, your tragedy is not your identity

do the small things though they seem futile or take the longest while
bring out your paints and playlists
play with friends on computer screens
I won’t promise it’ll change much
but at least it’ll break the age-old pattern
of drowning in grief
and repeat after me, a brand new prayer:
I refuse to be swallowed.
I refuse to be swallowed.
I refuse to be swallowed.
Repeat after me,
I have seen the warm womb that darkness offers,
and I have learnt to say no when it calls.

—

Words by Megha Rao

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