pain

Advice for Angelina from Famous Divorcees

Artwork by (yet) unknown creator

Artwork by (yet) unknown creator

There probably isn’t a good way to get divorced.

Sure, there are those who come out of it walking a little taller than others, but generally when you promise to spend the rest of your life with someone and then rescind the offer, things get messy.

Just as Angelina Jolie’s on-set affair in Mr. and Mrs. Smith broke up the marriage of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt, a secret tryst with French costar Marion Cotillard has Jolie filing for divorce.

Jolie has the distinct advantage of still being wildly successful and considered one of the world’s most attractive women, but here are some words of wisdom to get her through her third divorce from other famous ladies whose marriages didn’t quite make it till death do us part.

CUSTODY

Brad and Angelina have six children in total, which could lead to a lengthy legal battle to determine who gets whom.

Socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor, who has nine marriages under her belt, has a simple formula for dividing up a brood.

“As for custody, this is pretty easy to figure out. You keep all the young children and let their father have the ones that are over eighteen or twenty. This is because of three reasons: 1. The older ones are never home anyway. 2. The older ones are a big headache to take care of. 3. They give away your age.”

MEDIA ATTENTION

Even if the divorce goes amicably, it will not be quiet. The gravity of these two Hollywood giants will attract media outlets from all over the world.

The twice-divorced Lauren Bacall’s advice is to make the most of it.

“In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of the publicity.”

FRIENDS

After eight marriages to seven different men, Elizabeth Taylor knows a thing or two about how to navigate a divorce. According to the Cleopatra actress it’s a time to weed out more than just bad husbands.

“You find out who your real friends are when you’re involved in a scandal.”

TRAVEL

Maybe it’s the trip you’ve been meaning to take or the only thing keeping you sane, but it might be a good time to hit the road – even if just for a little bit.

Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert sees nothing wrong with slipping out of your world for a while to rediscover yourself after losing a partner.

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”

LOVE AGAIN?

After the dust settles, the lawyers get paid and you find yourself legally “single,” the question of life after love will come up.

Nora Ephron famously spun her divorce from Watergate journalist Carl BernStein into a successful book and movie career, while still finding a love to last the rest of her life.

“And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.”

Angela Waters is an American jazz singer-turned-journalist, who is always curious about how to do things herself, from making the perfect Sidecar to carpentry.