melancholy

A difference as vast as our distance

Artwork by  Jean-François Painchaud

Artwork by Jean-François Painchaud

We met only 14 days in a year and that was enough to suffice the love all year round. A lot of people asked how we did it, how we managed to maintain a relationship made possible through text messages, photos, and a whole lot of video calls. For almost four years, we did.

But we ceased to do it today.

I have always believed in loving yourself enough, that you first deserve the love you give to others before you can possibly love another. I have always believed in individualistic growth – that even when you’re tied to another person, you still owe to yourself the chance to grow on your own and create an identity that is not influenced by the person you are with.

But, in a way, he isn’t like me. He and I had a difference that’s as vast as our distance.

But he was the kind of guy who loved so much, that I felt the happiness in being wanted that much. It’s the kind of love that did not have to be physically present. We were poles apart—about 14,000 miles away from each other―yet his love traveled at the speed of light, conquering seas, weather, and even night and day. His was the kind of love that I didn’t have to look for; it’s already there right before my eyes, waiting for my heart to be felt. He gave the kind of love that’s incomparable, something that couldn’t be replaced nor overcome by any other person.

I like to think that he and I are like two bodies of water that meet but do not mix. He is calm and complacent while I’m intrepid and dynamic. He loves comfort while I despise the complacency in comfort. These two bodies of water that we seem to be make a solid borderline between them but they complement each other – they make up something beautiful. He and I are two completely different persons.

We fought a lot because of our differences but at the end of the day, we cuddled up on our own beds, earphones on and phones right beside our bodies, both thinking that we were sharing the same bed, sleeping in blissful contentment.

Right now, however, no matter how deep our love for each other is, he and I have a love that seems to feel wrong. We had a love that served as a distraction and destruction, all at once. I don’t know what is to blame. Maybe it’s my job, the timing, our compatibility, or the distance. Maybe.

But I still believe that there’s something beautiful in bringing two different things together. I still believe that, no matter what, ours is a love that’s beautifully different.

Mikaela Joyce L. Sarthou is a journalist by education and a wanderer by heart. She adores how beautiful the word boundless means, and hopes to be boundless someday