Painting by Christian Schloe

I was a girl when we first met, innocent and untouched, full of love and laughter and lightness. Sheltered. I didn’t know anything about the world, or the difference between making love and fucking.

Then, I saw you. I fell madly and deeply in love after our first conversation. You were just a boy then, but I saw you as my king and my everything.

I knew you were the one because I showed you every part of me­, even the ugly, needy parts – and you loved me still. I wish I had been wise enough to recognize it was the honesty between us that was the real intimacy, not just the fumbling, pubescent way we taught each other to make love.

We were capable of pure truth at such a young age, each knowing that in the other we found the understanding we both so desperately needed.

That is what everyone wants at any age. Understanding. But youth does not allow for such wisdom.

Now I am a woman and a mother with complexities in her thoughts and feelings, with wants and needs of which I am fully aware, and incapable of settling for less than I desire. I now have years of varied experiences behind my eyes that only time on this earth can afford a person and give meaning to.

I crave the simple intimacy we shared when I was that clueless, young girl, and to feel it now as a woman who possesses a deeper awareness. I burn for the raw honesty we created together when my young heart was incapable of appreciating it. Then, I felt it, but couldn’t name it. Now I can.

Now, I want you because I have the ability to savour you and all that you give me unconditionally; to feed it, nurture it and give it the attention it deserves. I want to make love to you and fuck you,now that I know the difference between the two. I want to bleed my heart and soul open to you, to give to you now what I was not capable of then because I didn’t possess it yet. I want to give to you with an open heart that knows love and loss.

I want you to uncover the passion in me, simmering under the surface, that only you are able to reach; to discover the soul of the woman I am now, with the honesty and truth we had as young teenagers in love.

—

Submitted to ArtParasites by Jessica Sisak

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