Relationships and break-ups are part and parcel of our lives today. What happens when you tell people about your break-up? “You should move on. Get over her/him. Look at this fantastic doctor/lawyer I found for you!” And so begins the streak of advertising the brilliant “other fishes in the sea” who are what you “deserve”. Sigh.
Why do people think everyone should just hurriedly move on? Is it absolutely necessary to just jump on the next best “dateable” person? Why can’t I get some time?
I recently fell in love with someone and due to circumstances and career priorities, it did not last long. When it ended, I was naturally very upset. People advise me to divert my attention to some new boys. But the point is, I do not want to. I do not feel the need to move on. Some may say that by not moving on, I am just going back in time and making myself miserable. I do not see how it is a bad thing.
The time I spent with this person was truly the most amazing and happiest of my life till date. Our equation was just very natural and effortless. We did not have to have long conversations about anything. Everything just fell into place on its own. But since we cannot be together, I opted for a different coping mechanism. I decided that I would keep his memories with me, that I would carry him as a part of me everywhere. This is so overpowering that when people ask me if I am single, I don’t quite know what to say. At the end of the day, am I happy? No. But at least living with those memories makes me sleep with a smile on my face.
Never had my soul been touched like this before. Everyone else saw flesh. This person saw me for who I am. I could be my most vulnerable self with this person and still not worry about being hurt. There was something in those eyes which assured me that it was okay to let go and be engulfed by someone else. My hair and the contours of my back were touched and my inner demons washed away, and my wounds were healed just by the wrapping of those arms around me. Here was someone who thought hugging me would ensure a better sleep. Here I was, looking at that face, whispering those words that I was scared to utter when those ears were consciously listening.
I am not happy. And the realisation that I could have been in a better state of mind with this person is truly painful. But this person is happy, and knowing that kinda makes me okay. And instead of focusing on the “could haves”, I try to look at the glimpses of peacefulness I enjoyed in the company of that person. They are way more therapeutic than any apparently great guy who is “looking for someone like me”. Thus, I say that I will not move on. I will keep on living in those happy times, while existing in this time, this world.
Submitted to ArtParasites by Melancholy Meadow