Why Looking For Love Is Similar To Looking For The Ideal Job

Photography by Paolo Ræli, 2016

Photography by Paolo Ræli, 2016

Diana has some advice for ya, listen up. Take a journal, online, physical, whatever, go to a clean page and make a list of every single thing you want in an ideal partner.

Order it by most important. The must haves, and the would be nice to have. Make a column for characteristics you find important, another one for the way you’d like for them to treat you, and one for aesthetic preferences (these are nice to haves). Whenever someone tries pulling up in your life, go back to your list and check it. If they don’t meet your must haves, don’t waste your time. Like cool, they’re cute, but are they kind? Do they read? Are they philanthropic? Do their social, political, cultural, philosophical and religious views align with yours? If not, do they respect yours? What’s important to you and do they meet it? If not, don’t waste your time. Never ever compromise. People settle for people who make them miserable in the long run because they become impatient, or because there’s a fiery passion at first. But passion fades. Trust me your stomach wont tie in knots forever. Don’t look for someone who makes you blush, find someone who empowers you, and helps you grow and respects your process. A partner. And hey if they make you blush and tingle inside, that’s a good plus to have. And don’t let the loneliness get to you. Work on elevating yourself in the meantime. The higher you become, the higher quality people you attract.

If you apply to a job, no hiring manager will ever hire you if you don’t meet the minimum qualifications, because you won’t be able to do the job. And if they were you hire you, you’d require intense training, and that’s a risky long term investment. So why not set standards for the person you want to build a life with? Because if that’s not your goal, then why are you in a committed relationship? Why then settle for anything less than your ideal? No one is perfect, don’t get me wrong, but you can’t compromise on the things that are fundamental to you because I promise you, you’ll be miserable. Find someone who will compliment your growth, not someone you’ll have to fight every step of the way with, even if they look pretty to hold. That’s what I call a distraction, and ain’t nobody got time for those. Not when you’re trying to build an empire.

“You must understand that love never keeps a man from pursuing his Personal Legend. If he abandons that pursuit, it’s because it wasn’t true love…the love that speaks the Language of the World.”

Diana Ozoria began writing short stories and poetry at the age of twelve as a cathartic outlet. She is now twenty three years old, and has found her voice and her peace as a brown feminist who is unapologetically comfortable in her own skin. Born to immigrant Dominican parents, Diana was raised in the hyphenated limbo space that lies between the other and the “American,” ni de aqui, ni de allá, never belonging here nor there. As the oldest in a family of five living under the poverty line, moving from one relative’s basement to another’s empty bedroom, privacy was impossible growing up. She escaped into the realms offered to her by books, and created her own reality in her writing. There, no borders, no limits, no ceilings existed. She saw a door in every character she befriended. She was her own heroine in every story she wrote. Her inspiration sprouts from love, trauma, culture, sociopolitical ideals, the intersections between gender and race, and the relentless human struggle to define our identity and purpose.  Twitter: @papercutblisss