Perfectionism is dated!
To iron out the creases for an ideal fit is a step closer to tragedy.
Afterall to evolve is to trust the heart and take the fall.
Spectators will scream, moan and warn.
Examples will be lifted from stories painted by the unknown.
Yet the heart will always want what it wants
So I learnt,
To impose it’s purity on the one I love will only make me hollow.
Giving it all away until one day I’ve got nothing to offer.
I questioned the conscience lying deep within:
Am I a sinner or a stranger? An outcast or an outsider? a loner or a liability?
The war in my head fed on me
Until one day it started showing on my skin.
It was just a dream! I chided myself.
By now my reflection was only having a good laugh at my cost.
Bruised and battered!
Underneath my clothes I hid the symphony which I had only read about.
I wore kohl and generous amount of concealer to contain the reality
As I blankly stared into the oblivion.
The echo of the last few cuss words played over and over again.
Once the daily theatrics were over I sat alone and drowned.
Nightmares became constant reminders.
Reminiscing that 2 am drive back home as the body continued to sting!
Tricks and games played by those masquerading as well wishers.
But till when?
The scars beyond the flesh and bone neither lie nor heal.
They were mine and I had to start owning them!
I refused to crack that smile.
Tears had dried up.
To play victim is easy and utterly exhausting.
I had to burn down a few bridges and so I did!
Drawing strength when negativity is the sole player can be empowering.
At times most vulnerable when all you have is yourself,
When the finish line seems so close yet so far.
Taking me to the alleys and corners I thought didn’t even exist.
One day at a time!
Patience and self awareness being my only constant!
Thus, I started to surprise myself.
All the remorse, agony, pain began transforming into indifference,
Breaking me even, pulling me closer to my soul.
And then a few years later as he stood in my face I stood tall.
My heart was at peace and I laughed.
And when I woke up I realized the miles I had covered.
That the gain had superceded the loss.
This journey was mine and only mine.
Submitted to ArtParasites by Ambreena Khan