I’m thankful because how else would I have known those intimate details about my past, the ones that I’ve pretty much forgot but can’t deny that they are quite showing how much I’ve changed, just as the people around me have.
However, this change is not what i want to talk about. When I ran into this “see your memories” thing and I chose to see them, I was surprised really, five years ago today I’ve written something that perfectly fits for my day, an advice that seems as if i was here today five years ago, seeing what would happen in my day and how I would be craving for an advice or a word of comfort and my post, five years ago, was that exactly.
I was surprised and it got me thinking how the moments we’re living today could be lessons for us tomorrow and legacy for the world that we leave once our time here is over and for this it hit my mind from what I’ve seen lately, five years from now i might be in need, just as I was today, of some words of comfort, that tell me everything is going to be okay, so today I’m writing these words, for you today but more for me in the future, for me whenever I feel down or fed up and fail to see anything good anywhere, this memory would be my reminder or my will or maybe my ordonance for a better day after it felt gloomy.
“It’ll go away, that feeling in your heart will certainly go away and you will receive a big hug that shall make everything seems fine and perfect as it is.”
You wouldn’t mind that someone was ungrateful to you once because it made you be who you are now, a person who does good because she’s good not because she’s waiting for a thank you. I know my child that we are humans, always looking for someone to appreciate what we do or notice those details that take so much of our time but seems to catch no one’s attention in the end,I know child but you will get over it, you’ll grow and you will get over it and you will have someone whose words and appreciation make it up for all the ones who belittled you.
You wouldn’t mind that you failed once because you know if it wasn’t for that, you would have turned apathetic, not caring about the future you are trying to build now and will certainly get to see one day, as bright as you have always imagined, just keep going, don’t let today stop you and remember as long as it aches you not feeling fulfilled then you still have it there, the soul that needs fulfillment, you haven’t lost it and you shouldn’t give up on it at all.
Someday you won’t mind that you gave too much, you’ll realize that whoever gives innocently will receive the same one day and don’t forget no effort pulled to attain something beautiful is ever lost, believe this word and live by it.
Someday you won’t mind that you didn’t get what you wanted once, you must believe there’s something better on the way, waiting for you to see it, you just have to believe.
Someday, that crack in your heart will heal, don’t ask how and don’t ask when just keep your goodness within, forgive even when it seems so hard, forgive to let go and if you can’t now and I know how hard this is, at least don’t intend to turn your kindness into atrocity because one person didn’t see how beautiful your soul is and didn’t know that a soul like yours should be maintained not broken. Keep your soul as soft and wait for this one person with eyes that would look into your eyes and see not the black circles beneath them but the black days you have had to go through. These eyes will keep you going and would continue the road with you, believe me just wait, with belief.
I don’t know what your day today is like but I know you and how kind your heart is and how fragile you always get when confronted with ugliness in people, the ugliness in their manners and cunning attitudes but what i can tell you is what Thomas A. Kempis said before “Be not angry that you can’t make people as you wish them to be, since you can’t make yourself as you wish to be”.
But know that if you try to change to someone better you wish to be, you’d meet a fighting soul, just like yours, fighting its own bad, seeking as well perfection even if not sure about its own, and it’d accept you like you are and this would make you accept yourself and wouldn’t mind any past at all, no matter how hurting to you or bad it was, you wouldn’t mind.
I can’t lie to you and I wouldn’t let myself, I’m not sure if this soul is a lover for it might be family or a friend who’s more than family but it’d be a secret keeper and your perfect retreat. It’d be the warming heart that hugs your own and more than this it’d keep your balance and keep you hopeful and no matter how dark your road gets, it’ll keep your company all through and this soul would never ever let go of you.
And I want you to remember something, you deserve to be loved,mostly by yourself before it’s by anyone and you deserve to be happy and you deserve, from all the time and love you are giving to others, to be alittle selfish and give some to yourself and yourself only.
And remember this time will pass and good, as always, again shall prevail and the sun shall rise in your heart even after this dark long night. Just wait and you’ll see, just wait with belief.
Mariem Sherif is an Egyptian medical student who believes that words can heal a wound, that in each and every one of us there is something special and that in details lies another great different life for those who notice.