melancholy

To the Woman Who Cried an Ocean for You

Artwork by Christian Schloe, available for purchase  here

Artwork by Christian Schloe, available for purchase here

Sometimes it seems as though you have always lived your life in winter, with all your emotions in deep freeze. Then a little something happens and you will be experiencing the most beautiful summer and spring you’ll ever know. But no matter how much you love it, wouldn’t you miss winter and dream of fall too?

That’s exactly how I felt when you came into my life. The moment my eyes met yours from across that crowded street, I discovered for the first time what it feels like to really live and not merely exist. I realized that I am not just a speck of dust on Earth but that the universe was created just for me. That I exist for the mere purpose of meeting you on that rainy day from a long time ago. The world belongs to just the two of us. Two souls who are finally reunited after centuries of being apart.

I loved you. Maybe more than I will ever love myself. And you loved me too. We were living in a paradise of rainbows and wildflowers. Our love was stronger than any storm. But in its wake also comes destruction. In the process of falling in love, we also destroyed ourselves. But we never knew that until it’s already too late for the two of us, We were already broken. The chasm between the two of us can no longer be bridged, So we decided to let each other go.

In the years that followed, you fell in love with other women while I spent my nights staring at the stars wishing that you will fall in love with me again. I wished that wishes do come true. Unfortunately, mine did not. I continued loving you from a distance while you hold her hands while walking on that same street where I first met you, For every loving smile you bestow her, I found myself shedding those sad and lonely tears. But I am really happy for you. I am glad that I did not totally destroy you. That you are still brave enough to fall in love again. My only regret is that I am not like you.

I became a different person after we parted. I turned into someone whom I really hate. I lost myself in the process of loving you. I killed that sweet and caring girl whom you used to love. I buried her in that attic where she kept all your beautiful memories together. But I know that she is still waiting for you to come back.

I am grieving for her too. So I am sending her this letter to tell her that you are truly happy now. Maybe not with her but with someone as wonderful as she was. To tell her to stop waiting anymore. To tell her that it is time to let you go.

Perhaps she will never be happy again as much as she was with you and her laughter will never will be as vibrant as before, But someday, somehow, the twinkle in her eyes will return and corners of her mouth will slowly curl into a smile. But she will never ever forget that you were the most beautiful winter, fall, summer and spring she ever knew.

She was the woman who cried an ocean for you. She was me.

Written by Avena Dane