The Day I Stopped Blaming Myself For Being Abused

Watercolor by Agnes Cecile

Watercolor by Agnes Cecile


I was in love with the person who made me believe,
Each promise was made; not one I received.

I thought that it was a modern-day tale,
But it turned out to be an epic-day fail.

He wooed me with words and chivalry
It worked like a charm; I fell so stupidly.

He forcefully took, without consent
A part of me…which I resent.

I tried to scrub away the deed he’d done,
Bathing then was never really fun.

I would scrub my skin til it turned bright red.
I would scrub again to erase the words he’d said.

I then found myself stuck in a world I created,
That looked blank and dark; I felt separated.

My tears would flow which made no sense,
My insides were dying; I was very tense.

I blamed myself for not being tough,
To push, to hit, to fight him off.

I felt like a failure ‘coz I couldn’t protect,
I thought I was strong; I lost self-respect.

But then that day came that marked the beginning,
It was the worst day and I thought I was breaking.

Dark thoughts clouded my mind; Took some random pills.
One, five, twelve maybe more, Remembering still gives me chills.

I gulped it all down and lay on my bed.
Just wished for the chaos around me to end.

But it didn’t.

I woke up the next day, you can call it a chance.
I guess the Big Man above had way better plans.

One day at a time. I repeatedly say.
Stand up, live and go on your way.

It wasn’t my fault. He was to blame.
I now decide to live without that bitter shame.

*For women who have experienced rape/ sexual assault and are very afraid of culturally rampant victim-shaming, you can visit www.aftersilence.org for support. They have awesome session moderators who give encouragement and advice and you can remain anonymous as well.

Submitted to ArtParasites by Mykee