Artwork by Jon Jacobsen

A for Absence
Have I ever told you that in your absence I am like a shower in a stranger’s bathroom. I swing between too hot and too cold but never miss you ambiently. There are times when your absence hurts me so much that it is almost like a physical injury and then there are hours when not a single thought of you ever crosses my mind.

B for Bodacious
Oh the boundaries I have leaped, the limits I have crossed and the rules I have broken; all in your name have at times impressed even you. The audacity I have displayed is something which even hardened rule breakers would shy away from.

C for Courage
With you I do not feel weighed down by a single care in the world and it’s like I am airborne. As if all the shackles that bound me have fallen away and nothing pulls me down. All the troubles and problems still remain but I feel a new bravado to face the challenges hurled at me by life. Since my heart has been broken many a time but the last piece that I had intact I have handed over to you.

D for Dominoes
A single word from you can enrage me, give me immeasurable happiness or just silence me. It would very well surprise you to know that you are the apex that would determine what I’d do in the next few hours, months, decades and centuries to come by. Just by being yourself!

E for Envy
“Love is Patient and Love is Kind; It does Not Envy, It does not Boast, It is not Proud.”But how can one escape the long hands of the green eyed monster that envy is. I am not envious of the people you talk  to or the girls that flit around you like moths to a fire (a very fine fire at that I must say )but of your solitude since in it you are completely bare of all the worldly pretences and that I know is one of the most invaluable thing I’d witness in my life.

F for Familiarity
Undeniably familiarity has crept in between us. Even your silence is my friend and speaks to me of your boredom or your melancholy or the silent judgements’ you are passing and at times of the storm that brews within while you look onto the world impassively. It isn’t much different for you since you are aware what makes me mad and what makes me happy, my dreams and my fears. All you need is a glance to know all the secrets that I try in vain to hide.

G for Gravity
I do not speak of the one that gave Newton such wisdom and all school kids such wretchedness but of the Gravity that made not the apple but me fall for you. The seriousness of my amorous feelings at times even leave me dumbstruck. Is it really possible to care so much for someone without ever expressing it to anyone?

H for Humane
I have experienced such a myriad of emotions in such a short span of time that I feel that my existence before this was just a semi conscious blur and now is it that I am truly awake to the miracle that life is since I can feel something so powerful for another being.

I for Immediacy
Yes! if I could I’d run up to you every time I missed you I would even across cities, barefoot and pour out all that I feel for you since such an urgency grips me at times to be with you. Not to say or do something but to just exist and breathe the same air that you do.

J for Judgements
The ones you make about people , situations and events all recorded faithfully in my memory so as to know what gives you pleasure and what gives you pain just to ensure that I never even unintentionally hurt you.

K for Kafkaesque
When together at our most private happy moments I feel the dread of an impending doom and I am scared that what if this is the last time I see your lips curl into that careless smile you so seldom bequeath the world with and your eyes crinkle at something humorous. That maybe this is our last rendezvous and all that we are will soon become flotsam in the sea.

L for Lucid
I fail to recall the answers in an exam for which I painstakingly studied the entire last few weeks but every conversation I have had with you is crystal clear to me and if someone asked me to pen down all that I know about you am sure it would be proclaimed a crime to cut so many trees just to write an essay on one homo sapien.

M for Memories
All are diligently filed away for that one bleak instant in the future when we aren’t together and there is no way to go back. Since I know I do not deserve someone as perfect as you are and am also aware of your inherent love for novelty which implies that one day I will be relegated to a thing of the past. What would I have then to keep myself sane but your memories?

N for Nebulous
It’s all so hazy: these feelings and emotions and most importantly the conclusion that our relation will finally culminate into. Thus peering into the crystal ball at my infinite attempt to see the future I see only a nebula of colours and no answers.

O for Omission
You who are so adept at knowing what I feel and know me like the back of your hand have failed miserably to see the magnitude of my emotions for you. I have carefully omitted the gravity of my feelings from you in those deep conversations we have and fortunately (or unfortunately) I who rarely succeed in my endeavours have proven to be a raging success at obstructing your vision so you cannot see how my tortured inner self desires you.

P for Passion
When you talk about something that really means the world for you and there are such few things that do there is such a fervour in your speech that I am completely captivated by it. I wish I could tell the closeted person that you are the beauty that shines when you let your emotions get the better of you.

Q for Questions
Inquisitiveness is a bond we both share and curiosity about each other persists. We may omit a few details but within us deep is the understanding that a burning curiosity about something will be quenched only when an honest answer is given and we both demand the right to it. Why shouldn’t we?

R for Random
Do not ask me the question why is it that I love you cause how can one string so many gestures, words and moments together in a few bland words? There is not one particular day or time that I could say that I started to love you and there is no particular habit of yours that can affect it in any way. It is so indefinite and random why I feel the way I do but it makes complete sense since Love ain’t for a rhyme or reason; it is just there for every season.

S for Sacrosanct
If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. This is how loving you feels.

T for Truth
Of many a crimes we may be tried and held guilty but Falsehood is not one of them. To conceal anything from those to whom we are attached, is not in our nature. We can never close our lips where we have opened our hearts. I think this is the reason why our conversations never ebb but just rise.

U for Unrequited
Huh! Of course isn’t it obvious by now that you are so unaware of my pathetic one-sided love for you. That you are oblivious to all this pain and suffering that I condone to you and are blissfully unaware of the vast ocean of emotions that you have arisen in me.

V for Vulnerable
It is in front of you and you alone that I shed the steely cloak of practicality and stand exposing all my weaknesses, my scars and my flaws since I do not feel any need to hide from you all my jagged edges.

W for Wabi Sabi
Introspection has led you to believe that you are deeply flawed and imperfect but I’d be willing to give up every smile written in my destiny to make you see yourself the way I do. Nothing out of place but a beautiful masterpiece made up of a an exquisite blend of perfections and imperfections. You are my Wabi Sabi.

X for eXes
I have had none and you a few. Whenever I hear you talk about them I feel such an empathy for those souls who could not hold onto the most deserving human being of all and lost someone irreplaceable.

Y for Yearn
I don’t like to admit this but I do. I do. I do. I yearn for you so terribly that it aches me in places I didn’t know could even feel .When I read a joke you’d find funny or hear a song you liked or see something that you’d be delighted in. It is weird since all I need is a few clicks to communicate it to you and I usually do so too but to experience it with you together in that moment is what I yearn for.

Z for Zenith
I do not know what the next moment holds but I know this for a fact that with passing time my affections for you have followed an exponentially increasing trajectory. This poor little foolish love of mine  has succeeded to beat its own zenith a zillion times

—

Written by Neha

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