Illustration via hashtag_grunge

You’ve always romanticized everything

The colour of the egg yolk in the fry pan and how its a perfect circle
(you never notice how I break three shells for every perfect egg each morning)

The road to the summer shack and how it twists in and out and away and beyond the reach of civilization
(you never notice how much I complain about being carsick – although I’m never homesick with you)

The distance between the moon and my ink stained fingers as I yawn and stretch in bed
(You never notice the marks they leave on the sheets in the morning)

The first rain of the year and how the earthy smells sing to our soul
(You never notice the wasps that cling to the light bulbs later)

You’ve always romanticized everything
The curves of my body
The make up on days when insecurities get the better of me
The torn fingernails
The aftertaste of self medicating
The cuts on my arms

You’ve always romanticized everything
Sunshine
Smoking
Self harm
Sleeping pills
Suicide

And that makes for a wonderful read in lifestyle articles in the Sunday newspaper
But today I need to know that tangles can be untangled

And although you’re good at picking at knots and holding them up against naked flames and saying they’re beautiful,
Today I need all my strings to unravel,
Today I need to be fucked up and beautiful,
Instead of being beautiful because I’m fucked up

And although walking away is not easy
I know you’ll romanticize heartache too
So today
I’ll walk away
In the knowledge that the only time you’ll unwrap my pieces
Will be for the next girl who you’ll call “beautiful” when all she wanted was to be called “home.”

—

Tanvi Deshmukh is a nineteen year old girl from Pune, India, with an affinity for words and books, cats and coffee, Nepalese food and hippie music, and the colour green (along with Oxford commas). Currently pursuing her undergraduate degree in English, she loves poetry, volunteers at an NGO and plays the keyboard in her free time. Along with devouring books of all kinds, unless of course, she’s in the middle of heated discussions on feminism, patriarchy, gay rights, or what to name the neighbour’s new dog.

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