empathy

#RelationshipGoals Is Not A Goal: About The Couples Who Post Everything They Do Online

Artwork:  Jorge Santos  - Love memo

Artwork: Jorge Santos - Love memo

Let me just say it outright – the more a couple posts online about their relationship, the higher the chance that relationship will eventually fail.

My theory is not going to be true in all cases. 7 billion people in the world and there is bound to be some head-over-heels lovers who enjoy detailing their adventures on social media. However on average, or at least with the friends I have on my Facebook, couples who have a tendency to spam us with their selfies, sweet dates, and declarations of passion are actually hinting at their insecurity over their relationship.

No, this is not Donald Trump yelling, Social media is bad! The Chinese invented the internet to destroy America!” In fact, I am a selfie advocate. Your eyebrow game on-point? Immortalize it in a selfie. Your man treated you to a cozy dinner for two? Show your appreciation online! Got engaged? Share your happiness with a proposal video.

But there comes a point where we gotta say stop.

Raise your hand if you know of that one couple, that one friend who posts about everything.: The girl who throws shade and makes a Facebook status everytime she gets pissed at her boyfriend; The guy who posts a photo of him and his girlfriend when he fucks up and has to offer a long-ass apology in the caption; And, my favorite, the couple who literally makes the entirety of Facebook (or other social media) their chatroom.

While we may be tempted to make every detail of our lives up for public consumption, kids, I can not stress this enough – do not air your dirty laundry online. Yes, we see you and your beau fighting on your not-so-subtle status update. Yes, we read your conversation in the comments section of your best friends’ photo wherein your comments have nothing to do with your best friend or what they posted, and are more similar to the script of The Notebook.

No, we do not need to see ten selfies of you and your partner doing some mundane thing every. other. freaking. day. And I definitely do not need to frequently see you sucking each other’s face. You might think you’re allowing the world to see how deliriously #blessed #relationshipgoals you both are, but trust me when I say you and your relationship needs to grow up.

If you’re not yet convinced it’s better to live romance offline, here’s a story about what happens when you keep running into your boyfriend’s ex on Facebook

It’s cool to show-off sometimes. We all have bragging rights, especially when we’re enjoying a fantastic time with our amazing partner. But save some of those selfies and videos on your phone or laptop so you have photos of your lover no one else can see. Save some of those ’I love you’s’ to say during random, quiet moments in the day. Save the fights for a heart-to-heart conversation where you can both learn and grow from each other. Save some of those emotional, tear-jerking posts to write in a classic love letter (and if your partner DOES write you letters, you don’t always need to take a photo captioning exactly what they wrote).

Would you fully appreciate reading a novel if you knew the juiciest details of the plot? The identity of the murderer? Don’t you get super pissed when someone spoils your favorite TV show?

 

This logic also goes for couples who engage in excessive online posting, or what I’d like to call F-LSS – Facebook Love Story Syndrome.

Your love story doesn’t need to be told in explicit detail, especially its negative sides, in order to be fully appreciated. Unless you’re Kardashians earning big bucks over the drama you make, it does your relationship no good for us to know whenever you’re doing bad or great, even if the great part includes a grand gesture with 50 balloons and chocolates after you’ve made-up-or-break-up for the second time this month.

The over-publication of romantic affairs borders on toxic behavior. Your relationship is not a joke and it should not be a source of entertainment for the people in your Friends List, unless you let it.

Learn to balance pride and privacy.

Otherwise, your audience will be waiting with their bowl of popcorns ready.

Sade Andria Zabala is a twenty-four year old Filipina surfer sometimes living in Denmark. She is the author of poetry books War Songs and Coffee and Cigarettes. Her work has appeared on places such as Literary Orphans, The Thought Catalog, The Rising Phoenix Review, Hooligan Magazine, Germ Magazine, and more. In her spare time she likes to eat words and drink sunlight.