melancholy

How to be at peace with the life you wish you lived, but never did

Collage by  Els Van Laethem

Collage by Els Van Laethem

 

There is a world in which
I never left my hometown
I walk to work everyday on the same streets I walked during highschool
I work in a library
And live a multitude of imaginary lives inside my books
I always wanted to move inside a novel.
I go to the theather every week
And gliding every summer
There is a world in which none of my friends left my hometown.
There is a world in which I became a veterinary
I cure dogs and horses
And my cat never died.
There is a world in which no one
betrayed me
But there is a world in which I never met my friends
There is a world in which I became immortal at age 22
When time stopped suspended in darkness
I walk around with my eyes closed since then
Searching for the lightness of being.
There is a world in which I abandoned engineering in the third year
And I am artist since then
I write poetry for paintings
And I have courage.
There is a world in which I go on working at the university I did not have courage to abandon
Every day while walking to work
I pass by a shop named Time
Without buying anything
I go outside to smoke and look at the seagulls
Although Bucharest is far away from the sea
The university is also the set for a movie
They started with Closer to the Moon
And as years went by, I started involuntarily acting in some movies
Cause with my hat and detective costume
That does not fit anywhere else
I mingle well with the actors
I look at the seagulls and I tell myself
We are closer to the sun now, maybe.
There is a world in which I did not leave my country
And a world in which I did
There is a world in which from an attic
Where a seagull sometimes knocks at the windows
The neighbours still hear some strange foreign music and never ending arguments
And there is a world in which those arguments stopped
And music stopped
And silence walked in
And I am still there
Learning how to ride a bike.
There is a world in which I never
started painting at age 27.
There is a world in which I do not keep the future away
With one poem a day
In which I am not afraid of pain.
There is a world in which I vanish
I go see the big world outside
I start walking the real world
Country after country.
There is a world in which all these exist at a time
Mixed with the imaginary worlds
And there is a world in which I can distinguish between what is real and what is not.
And besides all these
There is the future
One of the many possibilities
Cause I am at a crossroad again
And you can enter the future through this painting
And see who is living inside all those houses
Imagining if there is a world in which…

Laura Livia Grigore