I walk around the city, the sharp winter wind goes under my skin, I carry some roses under my arm and some chocolates in my bag. My body is frozen, but my inner being feels warm. I was told many times: there is an inner fire burning inside you, which blinds and devours and loves. There is an inner fire burning inside me and there were times when I didn’t know what to do with it. I walk around the city and think about how I could paint this feeling: love. Imagine this: love is of course a flame, at times bright, at times pale, at times violent, at times gentle, but still a flame that carries an everlasting promise of hope, an everlasting desire to live. The sparkle of divinity we all carry inside is precisely our capacity to love because in love only there is light and purity. I walk around the city and I think about my friend and the tattoo on her arm: there is a light that never goes out. I just agree and bow down in front of the great miracle that is life.
There are times in life, when time gets condensed for a little while and you manage to catch a full scale glimpse of yourself, how you used to be and how you are today, you see all the people that you met and shared a glass of wine, some chocolates, some sadness or a life with. You see them all, parading in front of you, laughing or biding good bye, you see them far away or even closer. There are times in life when all kinds of emotions get condensed inside you. I start walking slower as I hear some distant sounds from an open window, I hear the sound of glass touching glass followed by loud cheering, I hear the sound of human beings laughing with other human beings and some rusty, joyful voices singing. It is my birthday today also and I stop a bit, smiling towards the open window, remembering that movies are inspired by reality in the end. It is one of those slow motion scenes, when you become so aware of how time affects us. It is my birthday and for my birthday I want love. That’s all.
I want to spend my birthday in bed because since I met him, I feel alive and overwhelmed and I discovered love comes with a good friend: lust. Among sweet caresses and legs touching under the table in a bar, I let my voice speak out my desires. Among horny winks and cuddles, there is a flame I want to show you because there were times when I did not know what to do with my inner fire, but now I am happy because I have met you and I can give you this present. Love is a present. I want to give you love for my birthday.
There are people who do not know how to receive love, they look at it overwhelmed and frightened, they look with desire at your open arms, but remain deaf to your call. They run away and hide behind good byes and regrets. For every good bye I have a thank you because each and everyone of them paved my path towards who I am today. And I see myself diving into his arms and I remain deaf to the mermaid calls of nostalgia for the past. Love happens in present tense only. There are many artists who remain attached to suffering as their ultimate muse, but I do believe happiness deserves to be expressed when it comes. That incredible sadness of things that already happened and cannot be changed anymore really exists, but it is not everything. And art is just of reflection of what we live.
I read a beautiful article on the artparasites.com called Sexting tips with Pablo Neruda. I was fascinated by these beautiful words: “I want to fill your mouth with my name”. I have been restless since I read that sentence, playing with words and images in my head. Restless because desire is constantly increasing and that is what falling in love again means. And when desire seems to stop for a second as I rest my head on his chest, I understand it did not really stop, desire is just sleeping for a while. I want to kiss you and hug you and make love to you all the time. And I will not even try to put this desire of mine into poetic words because sometimes the greatest poetry is life itself. I will just try to describe the way I want to do this in an erotic letter I will send to you. There is an inner fire burning inside me, which blinds and devours and loves. That fire stands naked in front of you.
Laura Livia Grigore is a poet, painter and psychology enthusiast, with a background in space engineering. She likes to experiment with various mediums and types of writing. Her artwork is orientated on emotions, reflecting her opinion that most of the answers we need can be found inside ourselves, although the hardest thing to do is to be sincere with oneself. You can purchase her poetry book here.