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How It Feels To Love Again After So Much Suffering – Part II

Photo by Synchrodogs

Photo by Synchrodogs

Imagine you are slowly walking the streets on your way to the meeting point. Imagine there is something trembling inside you, a sort of a mix between soft anxiety and tenderness. Imagine it is precisely the core of humanity burning inside you, a mix between desire and hope. Imagine all these and remember love is about feeling good. Uplifted. Imagine the looks you exchange and the glasses of wine you have, imagine the bond that you start to create, like some invisible threads growing around you. Imagine you remember there was a time when you were so wrapped up inside your own emotions that you didn’t let anyone enter inside your soul. Imagine you remember that and you do not care about it anymore. You don’t care anymore about who you used to be and who hurt you, but more about who you are today, sitting in front of the present. And the present looks back at you and dives deeply into your eyes.

At night, in a bar, cuddling in a corner, we look at each other’s palms.

I have an eye for coincidences, I just spot them and register them in my mind. Just because the unknown was not explained yet, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I look at his palms and I look at mine and I am surprised: we have the same heart lines and mind lines. We laugh because we feel a bit lucky: we like each other and we have met. I don’t know if this is the hand of destiny or just an immense happiness falling on our heads. But when happiness comes and fills our body, we should just be there are marvel.

Photo by Synchrodogs

Photo by Synchrodogs

I wrote many poems ,one for every shade of sadness, for every shade of disappointment, for every illusion I fed with the fire of my passion. I though I had a poem for each emotion I would encounter in life and I would pull a piece of paper from my pocket, with some words and colours scribbled on it, saying: I have been here before, I know. But now I am overwhelmed, by this feeling of wholeness because when life starts paying back, it pays for all and I was born under a lucky star, that thought me how to trust in wanders of all kinds. I once won a tv in a supermarket and I could feel the envy of the others waiting in line, like a poison spreading among vegetables and sweets. That poison, such a human product, people standing and queuing for an unknown thing to come and feeling sad if the unknown did not fall on their heads. I always thought we all wait for the excitement of the unknown and blame others for our lack of availability when the unknown appears. But I always thought as well, that the secret of luck is to keep your heart open. I felt that envy some other times as well, I felt it hidden and menacing, the poisonous sadness of luck striking me instead of them. But I never felt guilty for my luck, just grateful, although we are a bit responsible for the luck that searches for us, we should be prepared when it appears and open the door saying: hello, dear wheel of fortune, I am a gambler and I prefer love to poison.

His hands all over my body all the time, exploring and comforting. Love should be equal to comfort and to the joy of living. Us kissing in the elevator and on the streets, disregarding the cold wind of winter. Us alone in a room, just dancing an open hearted dance. I have a highly sensual nature, but in order to display it, I need an emotional bond as well. And I believe every human being should be granted the immense pleasure to make love with the heart. There is no other feeling more pleasant then the consciousness there are no constraints ahead of us. The future lies in front of us and all we need to do is to explore each other deeply. I want to make love to your body because it is your soul living inside it. We are granted tongues to lick each other’s fears like cats pampering each other. We are granted tongues to speak out our dreams and build together what we cannot do by ourselves only. People are solitary beings only until they find love.

I don’t know exactly when being able to love again happens, but it does happen. Maybe a new love appears at our horizon when we become fully aware that we deserve all the best, that we are loveable and deserve to be well treated, when we are able again to trust and to abandon ourselves in the arms of another human being. Someone who we can trust that the only abandon possible is that sweet and sweaty type of abandon. Forever is a big word, but when time stands still for a second when we kiss, we sip a bit of immortality from the lips of the other person and we catch a glimpse of the possibility of inner balance as if catching with our eyes closed a full scale picture of the universe, so big and complex, but still existing and functioning as a whole. So here I go on again, displaying my true romantic character. I learnt with time not to hide or disconsider it as being too cheesy or unrealistic, but to let it run freely when it makes its way through my words. Because now I know that there are people who can appreciate this and maybe they will feel inspired to set free their romantic impulses and not to fear being ridiculous. If there will be an inflation of romantic gestures in the world after this article is published, I promise I will not feel guilty at all. Wink.

Part I

Part III

Laura Livia Grigore is a poet, painter and psychology enthusiast, with a background in space engineering. She likes to experiment with various mediums and types of writing. Her artwork is orientated on emotions, reflecting her opinion that most of the answers we need can be found inside ourselves, although the hardest thing to do is to be sincere with oneself. You can purchase her poetry book here

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