pain

How It Feels To Date Someone You Don’t Love

Photography by Heather Landis, print available for purchase  here

Photography by Heather Landis, print available for purchase here

I convinced myself missing you
was a blanket my tongue forgot to unfold so I could
write poetry as proof I was capable of feeling.

 

Loving you felt like Stations of the Cross.
Missing you was a prayer I told myself
to ease the fear of dying. I only slept
on the church pews to avoid being
empty a little while longer.

 

I left church because God couldn’t save me.
I left church because I want to believe in myself.

 

I said I love you
when what I meant to say was
I’m afraid of being alone.

 

I said I need you
when what I meant to say was
I need to learn how to love myself.

Sade Andria Zabala is a twenty-four year old Filipina surfer sometimes living in Denmark. She is the author of poetry books War Songs and Coffee and Cigarettes. Her work has appeared on places such as Literary Orphans, The Thought Catalog, The Rising Phoenix Review, Hooligan Magazine, Germ Magazine, and more. In her spare time she likes to eat words and drink sunlight. You can purchase her books here. 

Read all from this author