love

Why First Loves Are Meant To Make Us Or Break Us

Artwork by Oriol Angrill Jorda

Artwork by Oriol Angrill Jorda

How often do you still think of your first love?
More often than I’d like to admit, and more often now than ever before.

_____

We were too young when love happened, and too young to understand what it meant when it was over, although it was.

First love looked like autumn afternoons.
First love was warm and safe and had eyes the colour of freshly dug earth after rainfall.
First love hugged me first and didn’t play games.
First love was also my first kiss and boy, was it electric.

First love tasted like marshmallows and awkward toothpaste.
But with first love, it didn’t matter one single bit.
First love was sudden, like a wave at high tide.
But first love also taught me how to breathe underwater.
First love played the guitar and was stereotypically cool.
But first love listened when I spoke, and nodded at all the right times without expecting anything in return.
First love was thrilling because I wasn’t sure of the script.
But first love let me know it was okay to fix the holes in the plot along the way.
First love helped me cross roads without stumbling over my own feet.
But first love made certain I wouldn’t be run over on my own.

First love faded away from gold to green in springtime.
But first love didn’t hesitate to show me that green wasn’t a bad colour either.

First love waited out phases of teenage angst,
When growing up meant cutting out first love from my life.
First love didn’t hesitate to say hello when I was grown up enough,
And guess what, first love was just as warm as ever.

First love took me out for lunch last week,
And conversation flowed without a stop.
When the clock struck five and first love said goodbye,
This time I knew it didn’t have to be
A week
A month
A year
Or ten
Before I could say hello again.

Tanvi Deshmukh is a nineteen year old girl from Pune, India, with an affinity for words and books, cats and coffee, Nepalese food and hippie music, and the colour green (along with Oxford commas). Currently pursuing her undergraduate degree in English, she loves poetry, volunteers at an NGO and plays the keyboard in her free time. Along with devouring books of all kinds, unless of course, she’s in the middle of heated discussions on feminism, patriarchy, gay rights, or what to name the neighbour’s new dog.

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