A Timeline Of Our Almost Love Affair

Collage by Mathieu Bourell

Collage by Mathieu Bourell

It has been a year and a quarter
Since I first uttered your name
A hiss that still lingers
In every beep my phone rings
You began with a hey
Passing forth essays
Sewing up words
But the few patched up letters you phrased
Spoke a river of probabilities

Tens of thousands of minutes had passed
When you came around and held these hands
Your touch still throbs in my blood
Enough to fuel this heart
You were a realist
Enough to make me believe anything you said
I was a pessimist on how love is cynical
But you had those eyes that would put the galaxies to shame
So I told myself maybe you could change that

You would drive me around town several times
Never knowing where to take me
And I, never knowing what I wanted
Other than you singing and tapping your fingers on the steering wheel
Your smile echoing in every swerve

It didn’t take long
Only two hundred hours of familiarity
When I came to kiss those lips
And made a sea of what ifs in your tintless sheets
Your hands tracing the silhoute of mistakes in the arch of my back
Trying to fill the empty pieces
With stay with me’s sealed in with your lips
Wish the sun never rose again
If it meant never to pull your arms away

But I couldn’t help it
Something so wonderful is not meant
For a five foot six of infinite regrets
For I am nothing but tangled empty promises
And burnt out cigarettes in empty liquor bottles
So I threw our two million sets of seconds in the pit of selfishness
And lay myself naked in front of someone else

And in the three fourths of a month in the banks of your arms
Awoken with a dozen and a half missed calls of frustration
You waited below the yellow arches of could have been
And held me tight
And kissed me too hard
And looked at me too long
And my heart never beat that way before
Dear, I have never loved anyone more than the words they said

But It was just after fifteen weeks
When that glorious face of yours hardened in disappointment
Your kisses became regrets
Your hugs wrapped in blame
Your eyes filled with shattered promises
And no’s in capital bold gothic
That song you sang paved an aisle of goodbye
Autumn eating out what hopes of us left

I hate to reminisce
But I see you everywhere still
In a stranger’s stare
Or even in a crumpled sheet
Hoping it’s you hidden beneath

It has been half a thousand earth rotations
Since I first heard your name
And I have never been so broken
With a 4 letter word
And even then
With a hundred and forty one days of an almost love affair
I need to know why you did not stay

Submitted to ArtParasites by Kaye Jallorina