I always feel that time is fleeting you know.
Like if I don’t do something
by tomorrow it would be too late.
Just washing away.
And I am standing here on the shore,
watching it slide by and making
half built sand castles for it to destroy.
But I don’t want them to be half built,
I want them to be sand monuments
so that when the time comes
for the wave to dissolve them,
I can stand by and watch them dissolve, with pride.
It is like having sand and putting together lumps of it
and making a somewhat castle like structure out of it.
I don’t want it to be like that,
I want a clear map of what I want to build,
with the right angles the right block sizes,
the right buckets and the right tools.
I want Everything to be preset and clear in my head.
I’ve always succeeded when everything has been clear and preset.
But right now it isn’t so.
Right now it is one step at a time
on a foggy road.
I don’t know if in the next step
I will fall or if I would stand on my feet a little bit better.
I hope I wouldn’t fall.
And I always feel like it’s too late.
That I didn’t hurry enough in taking the next step.
That I took a little bit longer in the last one.
That I lost a pearl out of my necklace of time.
And I am afraid, more and more with every passing day,
Afraid, that I shall have no pearls left
when the time shall come.
Afraid that one day, I will look back
and realize that I wasted them all.
That I was careless in the times
When I should’ve been the most careful.
Me and time, we have a bitter sweet tale.
Maybe it has the right things for me
and I am doing fine, but it wouldn’t tell me
That and free me of my anxiety, oh no.
It likes to watch me agonize over my musings.
Maybe it is indeed correct what I am feeling,
and my hurrying isn’t an overthinking consequence,
but a rational measure that will maybe
bring me good someday.
And maybe I should do what I’m doing
but not be so anxious anymore,
maybe everything is just fine.
Which one of these it is,
I know not.
It is something
only time can tell.
But that’s the thing,
Time doesn’t tell.
Written by Ketakee Nimavat