melancholy

A POEM TO MAKE YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU FELL IN LOVE

Photo by Walter Pfeiffer

 

The first time I fell in love
Was the day you told me,
You didn’t feel the same.
That even though it was nice,
I didn’t inspire you
Or make your heart stop.
The first time I fell in love
Wasn’t some beautiful perfect day.
It was cloudy and murky
A stench of things rotting.
There was no sunshine
No silver lining or rainbows.
The first time I fell in love
I felt like drowning.
My chest hurt like crazy,
Eyes itching from rubbing,
My bones collapsing on itself,
Blood leaking into crevices.
The first time I fell in love
I remembered the little stuff.
How you grabbed my hair,
How you tasted on my lips,
How you felt against my skin.
I revered every little thing.
The first time I fell in love
I wanted to die.
I wanted to grate my skin with sandpaper.
I wanted to pull every hair out.
I wanted to vomit out every kiss.
I wanted to hurt me.
The first time I fell in love
I didn’t hurt me,
Just because you did.
I didn’t cut myself
Or make me sick,
I stopped myself in time.
The first time I fell in love
I stood in front of the mirror
And looked at me.
The black hair you liked.
The lips you kissed.
The curves you touched.
The first time I fell in love
I loved my hair for its smell.
I loved my lip for its smile.
I loved my curves for its softness.
I loved my scars for its memories.
I loved me.
The first time I fell in love
I realised that
I didn’t need to inspire you.
I wasn’t your muse,
I was my own artist.
I needed myself to create me.
The first time I fell in love
Was the day you broke my heart.
Thank you for that.
I wouldn’t have found my first love
Without all the hurt.
The first time I fell in love was with me.
—
Submitted to ArtParasites by Shabba Hakim

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