lust

A poem for all the boys in the world who did not love me enough

Artwork by  Kim Sung Jin

Artwork by Kim Sung Jin

There have been many men who loved me.
There was the blonde boy whom I met in an internet chat box
When I was fifteen
Who wrote me letters on paper backs
And told me he loved me after two weeks
There was the one in summer camp
Whom I faked my orgasm with
Because he was a virgin
And I was still looking,
There was the one I kissed on a tram
On the 15th of March
And whom I left for this other man who loved me
So much that he destroyed my self esteem.
There was the one who told me I ruined his reputation
When I kissed a girl
And I liked it
So much I almost had a relationship with her
There was the one who made movies
And thought we had nothing in common
Except for a miscarriage.
There was the one who almost got in a car accident minutes after I kissed him.
And the one who gave me a ring
That cracked while I was doing dishes;
The one who asked me in for coke and speed
Instead of out for drinks and dinner
Even if I’m so tired of this old idea of drinks and dinner.
There was the one I wrote a poem for
Two poems for
Three poems for
And left my town for,
When the poems got me a job.
There was the one who told me I have a beautiful waist
And vanished because he was afraid to hurt his best friend
Who also loved me
And never touched me, just
Sent me piles of e-mails I turned into a movie script
It’s called Before The Beginning, like the Frusciante song
And it’s dedicated to all the men who loved me
And never took the courage
The guts
Or the time
To love me the way I want:
with freedom.

Photography by Hannah Altman

Photography by Hannah Altman

Ioana Cristina Casapu is the Managing Director of Art Parasites Magazine. She likes Brian Eno, airports and never says no to a good old Gin&Tonic. 

Read all her stories and poetry here.