melancholy

A Letter To The Woman Who Hated Herself

Artwork by prairienowhere

Artwork by prairienowhere

Dear Abashed Adult,

Yes, I am talking to you. Stop staring at that screen. Look around. You can do better than this. Don’t let anyone touch you; that’s odd you’ll say. Because you are tired of men, men who didn’t come to the emergency room with you, men who left you on the New Year, who made you love them and then cheated their way out. Know your worth. Take your time. Cheap luxuries never had beggarly riches.

There is an absolute truth about life. You cannot force someone to love you. You will age in waiting, tired of hoping and this deafening silence will crush your ambitions of pointless return. Wet pillow and these lifeless eyes will keep you up all night, to utter yet again a prayer unanswered. Real love moves freely. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Stop worrying whether you are fat. You are not, and even if you are, who gives a shit? There is nothing more fruitless and boring than a woman bemoaning the fact that her stomach is round. Eat Woman! People worthy of your love will love you more for this.

One morning you will wake up on the wooden floor of your apartment; having hazy vision, with a man you don’t know. Everything will soon hit you, a little harder this time. He was not having a condom and you allowed him to fuck you anyway. It is a frightening thought and a mistake that will change your life, and not the way you fantasized about it.

“I’m okay.” you will say. “I don’t need anyone!” you will believe.  But sometimes it won’t help. It is not the answer, it is the question. Cry, scream, pour your heart out; it will help you grow but once you stop, stop forever. Find new things to cry about.

On a sunny afternoon, strangely ashamed of having your private drunkenness exposed, crunched on a park bench, feeling nothing but worthless when a little girl walks up to you. She will offer you her candy, but you won’t take it because you are a grownup now. You are wrong. You need these little joys. It is your reality and that’s what matters.

When that awkward guy asks you out, don’t turn him down straight away. He might look at you twice because you are beautiful, but that doesn’t mean that he is a rapist. Love, respect, and care are some of those things that your previous lovers couldn’t afford, but he can. Give him a chance and maybe you’ll have a story to laugh about. Your daughter will have his sense of humour. Your son will have his eyes.

But the most important thing that you need to do in your twenties is say the things you always kept in your heart. Look into his eyes and say that you love him. Hold your fathers hand and let him know his importance in your life. Walk to a stranger and tell them they are beautiful. There are somethings you can’t understand yet but your life will be great and full of surprises, sweet and bitter all at the same time. Be brave enough to break your own heart.

Love
Your 40 year old version

Submitted to ArtParasites by Ankit Yadav