A Letter To The Guy With Whom I Lost My Innocence  

Illustration by Apollonia Saintclair, print available for purchase  here

Illustration by Apollonia Saintclair, print available for purchase here


I do not know what exactly is happening to me but I had constant sleepless nights after the day we slept together for the first time. I can’t sustain this strange feeling as what happened to us kept on running in my mind. Why am I feeling so weak? I know we’ve gone a bit far. I was never one of those I’m-going-to-wait-until-we-get-married type so don’t you worry, I didn’t have any doubt doing it with you. We’re now on our 333rd count of our unlabeled relationship and I thought I’ve already reached the deepest feelings I could have for you but love, it feels different now.

I never understood that we were actually just fascinated with each other all this time. I do not mean it in a foolish way but I can say that you mean the world to me simply because I loved you to the deepest deep. Little did I know, there’s this way that would pull myself even deeper to you.

I thought the most magical seconds I had was kissing your lips the first time. I was wrong; it’s when you tell me how you’d want to fondle my skin as well as its imperfection.

I thought telling all the best about me was the perfect way to make you fall harder. I was wrong; it’s when you have witnessed my darkest fears.

I thought it would mean so much grasping for your presence every now and then. I was wrong; it’s when you’re not here but the memory of your touch could still be felt.


Forgive me that I have given everything to you. I was so sure keeping it safe from who have came before but now, I’d like you to have it all.

If ever you’d bother thinking how much you’ll have to take care of it, stop. I don’t want to see you like that — do whatever you want to. It may appear blurry for now but I assure you, it’ll get clear when us are no longer us.

For if our memory has to die, it would also witheringly die with me… and only me.

Submitted to ArtParasites by Jabelle Mei Torres