empathy

365 days without you have taught me to write down my grief and turn it into solace

Photography by Elif Sanem Karakoç

 

365 days without you

I burned all your favourite dresses to the stake

As if that would break the spell you put on me

I threw away all the poetry I collected

Now they’re all contaminated with your opinion

I tried to find any pieces of you left behind

But there wasn’t anything left to get rid of

 

365 days without you

I have turned my needle in to art

Please, give me a wall so I can escape

I have put all my misery in my needle

Surprisingly, they all came out radiating happiness I no longer possess

I have filled my walls with portraits

And none of them are of you

 

365 days without you

100 books and 24 packs of cigarettes

7 poems for you and an angry letter

Endless tears and sleepless nights

Put all those numbers together

And the puzzle pieces that is my heart would exceed the sum of all

 

365 days without you

You took my wings and asked me to fly

Foolishly, willingly, I asked you to be my wings

 

You said the sun sets in my eyes

I wouldn’t dare blink and you enjoyed the view

 

I said forgive your yesterdays mistakes

Maybe tomorrow will be kinder, after all we breathe maybes

You said you never believed in the “maybes”

 

365 days without you

Your honor, sitting on your high bench,

Judging the whole world in your own courtroom

You asked me once to judge you

I wanted to say: you are simultaneously

The most selfish and generous person I ever met

You hate bullies yet you are one

Your whole world is black and white and I believe you need a spoon full of grey

However I simply smiled and said: you are a good person

 

365 days without you

I waited for you to say” jump”

I was prepared to ask “how high?”

My problem is, you never asked

Your problem was, it wasn’t high enough

 

365 days without you

How consuming it was to be with you!

All the mind games, the judgment and tests

All the hoops I had to go through

Just to be good enough for you!

Honey I am worth more than this

More than the sum of your brain cells and even some more.

 

365 days without you

I couldn’t say the words out loud,

So in a rhyme I wrote you down,

Now you’ll live through the ages,

I can feel your pulse in the pages?

—

Passant A. AbdelAal is an Egyptian with a severe addiction for reading novels and a passion for poetry, who writes bits and pieces of poetry and musings.

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